Not For Tourists

Some of you who have browsed the travel section of your local bookstore may have come across a book series entitled, Not For Tourists. These books give the inside scoop on a particular city. You can find out the good places to eat, where not to go and how to have a really good time. Not For Tourists provides you with the wisdom to experience the local flavor without having to invest the time or money to become a resident.

Now, I will be one of the first people to tell you that you really don’t know a city until you have spent a significant amount of time there. A week vacation is just not going to cut it many times because you are not operating in a daily routine. I liken it to those first few months of dating someone. It’s great and they can do nothing wrong. However, as time progresses, you start to see a few behaviors that may raise an eyebrow.

So, I have been working on a small treat for everyone. I have compiled a list of things that you may want to keep in your back pocket or palm pilot when you make your trip to Rio. Keep in mind that I am not judging the people, places or situations that made the list. I am just merely penning my observations. Take Notes!

Where are the Black Men from America?
Let me preface my answer by saying that I love Black Men from America. They are my family (literally). With this being said, I will tell you that you can find 94% of the African American men from the U.S. walking within a 6 street radius of Avenida Copacabana at McDonalds, KFC, Facil Internet Café and at the corner of Rua Xavier da Silveira and Avenida N.S. Copacabana.

I have been using a laundry service on this street for almost one month, and I kid you not, the volume of AA men who are standing in groups talking about everyone that passes by, what they have seen thus far, etc. is quite entertaining. What I find most strange is that they make comments about the female passersby but do not make an attempt to approach them. I wonder if it is because they did not take the time to learn the language.

I will admit that I am a little curious as to why what these men hope to gain from their voyage to Brazil. Do they just want to look and talk about the ladies? Do they wait until sunset to start striking up conversations? Do they pay Jesus Cristo a visit at Corcovado Mountain? Do they think Rio is all what the videos make it out to be? Do they think that they will get a good return on the money that they spent?

In case you don’t make it to the corner of Rua Xavier da Silveira and Avenida N.S. Copacabana. Here are some other ways you can spot an AA man standing out from the crowd

1. While in the Internet café, you usually hear him talking really loud in the phone booth about being in Brazil. (Now, I am not saying that all AA men are loud. What I find is the volume of the typical Brazilian conversation pales in comparison to ours. I think we might have a little more noise in the U.S. Plus, I think these men are just excited about being in Brazil.)
2. He is walking down the street talking to his friend about where they can buy a beach towel.
3. He is wearing his street clothes while walking on the beach. In Rio, the average male will wear the long surfer type swim trunks or the speedos to the beach. If you want to blend in guys, you have to change up the wardrobe.

Rua Bolivar/NE Copacabana: A Multi-Purpose Corner

The streets of Copacabana are filled with a variety of street vendors selling their products and services. I noticed that at least 3 to 4 businesses share the corner location of Rua Bolivar/Copacabana. If you need your blood pressure or glucose checked, there is a gentleman, wearing an all white outfit, who will be sitting on a stool waiting to service you from 9:00-4:00 p.m. If you want to buy flowers, there is a flower vendor who will provide you with a lovely bouquet between 4:00-7:00 p.m. Now, if you are looking for a late night snack, a lady will be selling freshly made tapioca from about 8:00-11:00 p.m. I know you are wondering about this fourth business. It is the watch repairman. He usually occupies a different location. However, when the medical technician is absent, he likes to set up his business on the corner. (It is an opportunity for more foot traffic.) If it is raining, the watch repairman will temporarily halt is repairman duties to sell you an umbrella for 5 Reals.

Copacabana Beach Alert: Menino Tyrant

Menino is a Portuguese word for boy. Tyrant is the English word for someone, in my opinion, who wreaks havoc. On Copacabana Beach, there is a chair/drink stand that is located between Rua Bolivar andRua Xavier da Silveira. It is a white canopy without a name on it. A gentleman and his son sell beach chairs, umbrellas and cold drinks. Since my arrival in Rio, I have witnessed this rotund kid (nothing against fat kids—they are a rarity here, hence the description) be environmentally insensitive (after eating a pudding cup, he then tosses it right on the beach by the water), try to scam customers on their chair fees (fortunately these customers were smart and walked off) and attempt to steal my size 1 soccer ball and throw sand at me when I wouldn’t let him keep it. I am giving you just the facts, no opinions here. For more about Menino Tyrant, please see my entry entitled “Best In Show (will load later).” Beachgoers Beware!

Find Your Next Picasso:

On the second Saturday evening of every month, you can go to the corner of Rua Bolivar and Avenida Atlantica (right in front of Copacabana Beach) to visit a wonderful artist market. There is a large variety of artwork available for purchase. You will get to meet and speak with the local artist. Also, the prices are extremely well and they can help you prepare your selected piece for shipment to your respective country. If you want to revisit the artist on Sunday afternoon, you can see them at the Hippie Market a few blocks away in Ipanema.

The Book Is On the Table

The book is on the table phrase that people use to joke that someone is slow to understand. Even if a Brazilian cannot speak English, they know this phrase. It derives from the English courses that are taught here in Rio. One of the first phrases they teach you is “the book is on the table.”

Has this phrase been said to me? It has been said twice. Actually, my coach said it to me yesterday. *Note an opinion forthcoming: As far as I am concerned, the book is on the table for everybody because it is easy to be confused when someone speaks 500 miles per hour to someone who is learning a new language. My coaches have blank faces when they ask me to tell them an answer in English, and I look dazed when they are asking me questions in Portuguese. Very Fast, Muito Rapido(Very Fast in Portuguese)

—In sum, the book is on the table. Listen for it because you will hear someone say it at least one time if you are in Rio long enough.

Beach Towels Anyone?

You have arrived in Rio. Due to space constraints in your luggage bag, you didn’t have room for your beach towel. You are going to just pick one up in Rio. Well, you can look all day long, but you are not going to find a beach towel.

In case you do not know, Brazilians have a different idea when it comes to beach towels. It is not that extra long towel with pictures on it. I learned this quickly when I asked my host if she had a spare “beach towel.” The Brazilian beach towel looks almost like those sarongs that women wear around their swimsuits to the beach. It is a piece of thin, lightweight cotton with fringes on each side. There is a walking vendor that will sell one to you at the beach (15 Reals) or you can walk right up Avenida Copacabana and purchase one from one of the many lojas (stores) for 7 Reals.

A Birds Eye View

Do you like birds? I hope so because they are everywhere. They look like pigeons to me, but they could be some other type of bird. I haven’t taken the time to ask them. I was at a street corner two days ago and counted 36 birds standing (in a group) at the corner waiting to cross the street with me. One thing is for sure. They are pretty smart because the drivers here will run you over.

Is that Rain?

Some variation of precipitation always seems to be falling on the streets of Rio. Is it from the sky? Most of the time, it is coming from the buildings. I am not sure if it is water. However, it can prove to be frustrating to have a huge drop of something hit you right after you have washed your hair. To try and avoid being tagged, always check the pavement to see if there is a visible liquid puddle. This way you can at least avoid the bigger drops!

A Little Sun & A Lot of Vendors:

While at the beach juggling one day, I decided to keep a list of vendors that offered to sell products to me. In case you find yourself on the beach and are missing an item or two, you might be able to purchase what you need for a premium price. Don’t worry. I do not need to give you a location because the vendors will come right to you. Here is a list of what you can buy at the beach. You can buy sodas, beer, water, necklaces, bracelets, shrimp cocktail, empadas, mate (brazilian tea), sunscreen, sunglasses, beach towels (Brazilian), hats, bikinis, ice cream, artwork, poetry, tattoos, potato chips, gum, candy. Just keep in mind there is a vendor for each of these items. Therefore, if you want chips and a soda, you have to buy the batatas fritas from one guy and the refridgerante from someone else. Sellers are product specific here!

P.S. I am writing down the specific names to fill-in the blanks on this entry. I will update after training.